


what is music to me

by sasukekeke



Category: Original Works, classical music - Fandom - Fandom
Genre: Piano, incapable of feeling, violin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasukekeke/pseuds/sasukekeke
Summary: music is important to me. its the only thing that i can feel sometimes
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	what is music to me

something about music calms me. its also what causes me stress, happiness, sadness. emotions.

i feel almost alive with music by my side. classical to be more exact but i also enjoy listening to jpop/rock/punk, jazz and acoustic things. music to me tells a story. i find it really amazing that i can actually interpret and feel what the artist or composer wanted me to feel. at the moment im listening to 4 Impromptus, No 4 in A flat major: allegretto. it starts off with fast but clean 16th notes or 8th notes. im not too sure but its composed of the fast notes accompanied by the background music playing a simple quarter note or just a whole note. its plain and simple when you look at it i guess but its still impactful. near the end theres like a pulsing left hand the entire time while right hand is playing a single note until it starts intensifying, crescendos, and the tone of the music changes again.

its really cool. theres a lot i still cant properly put into words since im not really that experienced or at least dont know the right terminology to use. out of most of the things i do, id say that im the best at music. other than that i dont really have much for myself. im not attractive, i dont dress nice or ever look like it, my personality is pretty bland, i dont exactly socialize with other people, im dumb as fuck and im pretty much useless. music is the one thing im actually kinda good at, so i drown myself in it. i dont want to be left behind. even though i say that im good at music, id say thats a lie. im sorry excuse of a musician. im not talented, i barely practice, i think i sound decent but im just another average player. do i even like music or am i just afraid that i wont have anything left to my name if i leave it. Ive played the violin for 7 years now but im nobody. i doubt i can get anywhere with my "skills".

recently and for a while ive been thinking that maybe ive picked the wrong instrument. maybe i wouldve been better with the cello. i often close my eyes and imagine myself playing in orchestras or pieces and i motion to it. i respond with my body.</pi always resort to the cello. i sit at the edge of my bed and i pretend im holding the cello, i move my hands and indulge myself in the pleasure of music. i hate thinking about it. the thought that i might regret a choice i made and spent so much time on. i keep tormenting myself and it only gets worse. a big part of me thinks this has to do with the fact that i dont sound good. ive played with a full orchestra before and it was amazing. playing with people who are just as dedicated to music as you are. i enjoyed myself and i loved it so much. hell i even started to sound better. i say this but im nothing important. i shouldnt get ahead of myself because im nothing compared to other people my age and younger who are playing with colleges and professional orchestras as soloists or helpers.

maybe im just lacking the inspiration and motivation is what i like to tell myself. i blame it on the fact that im incapable of feeling emotions and that im empty inside. its just another excuse.

if i had a private teacher or a wealthy family, id be able to afford classes with a private teacher and maybe id actually be good. its all "ifs". just more excuses. i need to get out there and start practicing with every minute i have because i know that im regretting it from the future.


End file.
